Fleeting Memory
by omgwtfdenny
Summary: For everything one gains, one has to pay a price. I ignored this fact and simply cared for what I wanted - and now I am paying for this. But how could I have known the loss would be so high?


**Fleeting Memory**

**Rating:** PG  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> Alternative Timeline/ mild Azimuth/Ratchet.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> I would never dream of claiming those two as mine. Even this idea has only been fleshed out by me. But I thank my friend for giving me this impulse and hope that Insomniac Games can forgive me for the crude misuse of their characters.  
><strong>Summary:<strong> _For everything one gains, one has to pay a price. I ignored this fact and simply cared for what I wanted – and now I am paying for this. But how could I have known the loss would be so high?_  
><strong>Further Notes:<strong> This is a one-shot in an Alternative Timeline where Azimuth has succeeded in turning back time and stopping the Lombaxes' Fall. However, while he has kept his memories from before, Ratchet, who has forgotten the past, seems to be oblivious to everything that happened between them.  
>Written in three segments.<p>

_-Eight years after the prevention of the Lombaxes' Fall-_

It was this time of the day again.

The elder crouched, fingers clutched into his head. Those images of a future he knew was impossible as things were kept appearing in his mind. Sensations of those memories - were they memories, really? - shook him just as much as the feeling of disgust.

There had been a time when Kaden's son had meant more than anything to him. And each time he saw this memory of the impossible future, he found himself between indulging in it and accusing his self for all those things he had done. How could he even do this to him? Now even more, when he saw him like this, how could he even think of such –

A small tug at his arm. "Alister?"  
>The Lombax turned around, looking into huge emerald eyes filled with worry. Kaden's son was looking up to him, frowning and shaking him slightly. "Are you alright? Do you want me to tell daddy to get something sweet for you?"<p>

The general froze and stared at the other, then smiled faintly as he patted the kid's head. "Yes... I'm all right. Don't worry about me," he replied, smirking at Kaden's son.  
>"But you look sad, Alister." The little boy pouted. "Do you want a hug? Daddy says hugs help everyone!", he explained, arms widely stretched and a broad grin on his face. The little Lombax remembered that his mommy had told him that if one smiled enough, the other would smile too - and yes, the elder did smile back, pulling him into a tight hug.<br>The odd gaze remained, however. And even after several years, it would not vanish.

_-15 years later-_

"Azimuth!" The golden Lombax raised his hand and waved after the white one waiting on a bench. He ran over to the general and crossed his arms. "So that's where you were. Dad was worried you'd be going on one of 'those' trips again."

"Oh, was he?" The elder did not even raise his head, but chuckled in response. "I see."

"Well, you always disappear to Torren IV for no reason, and you keep going to Terachnos without saying anything. My dad wouldn't mind, normally… That is, it if you didn't go during your council meetings!" A slight stomp with his foot. "'That's not how the elder councilman should act', your colleagues keep saying."

"Mhm." The indifference about it was more than evident to hear. Kaden's son frowned and just kept standing there. Then, after a while he let his arms sink.

"Hey, Alister."

"Hm?"

"Why won't you even look at me anymore?"

Silence.

"I mean, did I do something wrong? Okay, I shouldn't have scratched Perihelion during my flight with her, but is that a reason not to look at me for a whole three years?"

No answer.

The younger grew impatient. "Come on now! At least tell me why you won't even-"

"You've turned twenty-three this year, haven't you." The elder's ears twitched. "Twenty-three long years already." He chuckled. "That's the same age as when..." He broke off and stood up, turning his back to Kaden's son. "I'll take my leave now. Till next time." When he wanted to walk away, though, the younger held him back.

"No." He could feel those inquiring emerald eyes stare at him. "Tell me what is bothering you. Why do you always look so sad when I'm around? Why do you refuse looking at-"

A hand stroked over the Lombax's head. Startled, he didn't realize at first that Azimuth was looking at him, smiling bitterly.

"You know...", he began, his hand sliding off, "There are times where I wish you were named Ratchet. It would have been a nice name for you." He chuckled as his eyes seemed to look past the younger. "Perhaps you were once..." All of a sudden he put his arms around the younger, hugging him tightly. "And perhaps everything would have turned out differently."

_-A few weeks later-_

The elder's eyes snapped open when someone knocked at his house door, shouting loudly. Confused, he walked to the entrance, only to be surprised by seeing the younger standing before it, panting heavily. Quickly he opened the door. "What is it, Ratchet?"

"You... Me..." The younger wheezed and held his side. He did not even twitch at the wrong name. "Talk... I need to talk..." He reached out for Azimuth's arm and looked at him, gaze firm, but confused. "Let me in. Now."

A few moments later they were sitting in the living room, Breegus tea before each of them. Alister folded his hands and waited for the younger to speak, but there was no word coming from him. After a few moments, he began.  
>"So, what did you want to talk to me about-"<p>

"You've kept calling me Ratchet." The young Lombax was staring at his cup. "I always wondered why. My name never was Ratchet."

The elder tensed up. Why was he bringing this up now? "That's because I find it kind of fitting at times."

"You're lying." Emerald eyes pierced him. "You've been lying about this all this time."

"W-what?" Azimuth blinked. His tail moved agitatedly. "I don't know what-"

"STOP IT ALREADY!" The younger's fingers clutched around the cup as if he wanted to break it. "I know the truth! I've seen it! I can't understand how... how it- but... but!" He growled. "You've been keeping this to yourself all this time, haven't you? That's why you were always so damn sad around me! Because you knew about this god damn second memory we have!"

The general was taken aback. His ears folded as his eyes widened slowly. The cup was dangerously close to slipping out of his grip. Ratchet had remembered.

_Ratchet had remembered. _

Azimuth grew cold at this thought. Oh god... He had found out. Now everything... was over.

"Just... Just how...!" Oh there it came. He knew it. Ratchet would be disgusted by him. He would refuse even looking at him now… "Just how could you keep this all to yourself? I had a best friend named Clank? I didn't even know about the Lombaxes?" Hands clutched into his head, a deep growl escaping him at the discord in his mind. "All those memories! All those people I... Damn it, just why didn't you-" The younger broke off, his body tense and face twisted. "You kept this all to yourself... All these years... And I didn't even know!" His head snapped upwards as he stared at the general.

"... What would have changed if I told you?" Azimuth looked away. "Nothing. Everything would have remained the same. Or turned worse." He paused. "I mean... How could I have told you that? How could I have told you, a kid just coming of age-"

"But back then you didn't think that! You didn't think of me as a kid!"

"And that's the point," he whispered. "I didn't see you grow up back then. But this time... This time I-" He stopped. "I can see that you can't comprehend what we... had with each other back then. I, too, cannot now that... I've been part of your life since you were born." A short glimpse at the younger. "You couldn't imagine it either, could you...? You can't accept it as a now rendered incorrect, but still apparent reality either, can you?" As there was no response, a bitter smile stole itself on his lips. "See. Then why should I have told you to begin with."

Silence. Then he heard the younger get up. So he already wanted to leave, huh. Well. There was nothing left for him to ask anyway. Kaden's son had remembered his other – Ratchet's - personality, and he now knew what disgusting things had been going through his mind. So why should be still stay? There was nothing worth—

Arms wrapped around Azimuth's neck as the other pulled him into a tight hug. Burying his face in the elder's fur, he pressed the other firmly against himself. "You idiot...", he muttered, "You god damn idiot..."

Azimuth was surprised. The cup fell onto the ground and rolled over it, but neither of them cared. He frowned. What should he do now? What should he think? Part of him was happy. Part of him screamed to stop it, to push the other away from himself and end this. But for now... He was unable to act. He simply remained there, hesitantly putting his arms around Kaden's - no, Ratchet.  
>He didn't know why, but he felt like he had been lifted from a huge burden.<p>

"I..." The elder's ears twitched at the younger's voice. "I can't understand everything yet. I just... I don't know. I..." The grip fastened around the elder. "Just don't look at me with those sad eyes again. There is no reason to anymore."

"... What?"

"I need to come to terms with what I remembered first. No... I will come to terms with it." He nuzzled slightly against Alister's cheek. "I don't know if it will do anything. I don't know if anything will change at all, but..."

The elder pressed his lips together. "For now, it's just a fleeting, impossible memory. No more than a dream."

"One that was reality before."

"But will never be again." He closed his eyes, pressing the younger's body against his own. "We both know this. It's become unreal the moment time was reverted."

"... It could be restored, even if only by a bit, though."

"What do you mean?"

"... I..." What was he saying? Was he mad? Was he seriously thinking about starting something with his father's best friend? Or... Could it be that it wasn't he himself speaking, but his unreal self, Ratchet, whispering now?

"... Yes?"

"I... don't know." His hand reached up and brushed over Azimuth's head. "I... I just..." He suddenly chuckled, shaking his head in denial. "God damn it, why am I so confused now? I don't even know what I'm saying anymore..." His fingers curled. Then silence came over them, leaving them like this, holding onto each other, both confusion and certainty holding them together.

"If we had been in a different timeline, then perhaps it could have been," Azimuth murmured, burying his face in the other's ear. "Perhaps... in a different time."

"... I know." The younger replied lowly. "I know..." His head was pondering. The memories, no, images, were over-running him with their familiarity. They felt so normal as if they were his current memories; as if their past future was now once more the present. At this he wondered: Had Alister been thinking that all that time as well?

"Ratchet?" The other suddenly murmured. Oddly enough, it did not bother the young Lombax; it rather felt like being called by a name even more familiar than his real one. He laughed on the inside. Was he already losing sight of what was reality and what not? He did not care.

"Yes?"

"... Nothing, just..." The elder broke off. "Let's... let's just stay like this a little longer, all right?"

"Alright." Luckily the other couldn't see his face. He would have seen the most content smile ever.

"Thanks." Azimuth closed his eyes, just as the other did - and for a moment, they forgot where they were. They forgot that they were in the general's house, that they were living a life after that forfeited future. For a moment, they reverted from their current lives, no, forfeited it, and wished themselves back to the time before they had given this up. The younger could not understand this feeling of bliss he had - was it just from being Ratchet once more? Or was it because Ratchet, no, he, was so glad that he had another chance just to hold onto the elder? Whichever thought was true, he could not deny that he felt more content than ever before.

But a dream, even though it has briefly become reality, remains a dream - and just as fleeting as this moment was, they were pulled back into reality.

"I need to go now," he mumbled, reluctant as he was. "My... dad is waiting for me."

"I... I understand." Slowly the elder let go of the younger who then slid off him. "Let me walk you to the door."

As they exchanged good-byes, the younger walked forward, but then turned once more to the elder. "Alister, what you… I…," he began, only to find himself at a loss of words. He looked up, wondering if Azimuth was still looking at him with those eyes.

For the first time since years the elder cast a genuine smile at him.

"For now a fleeting memory," he said.

"Perhaps a waiting reality?", was replied.

"Time will tell." The elder rested his forehead on the younger's for a moment. Then he distanced himself again. "Good night."

"Good night." One last smile was exchanged. And with that, the younger walked away, leaving Azimuth behind.

The general watched him for a few more moments. Then he turned around and closed the door behind him.

For now a fleeting memory. Perhaps a waiting reality.

Only time would tell.


End file.
